now's the time finally. the voting makes more sense now. so far there have been about five hundred votes. we're tied with demander. so come on people! it's up to you! fail to act and we ALL perish! mc
ps. you have to vote everyweek and often, until i get kicked out, so here's to hoping!
PSSS. vote for me and i will marry you or become your best friend. guaranteed.
Sun, Oct. 23rd, 2005, 02:07 pm
here you go
after having a few discussion here and there with fans about the lj i've decided to bring it back. i'll announce a new lj in a few days. i found out that i miss the 56k simplicity of the site (hotel dial up.) and i miss having a connection with everybody. the shows have been great, totally life affirming. talk to you soon. xomc
I've decided to stop the lj. i plan to keep writing everyday but to put it in a book. a brother gave me chronicles and i think it may have changed me forever. you guys have seen me go through everything, you got to see, as they say, warts and all. and i've always wanted you not to like me a little, because i think everyone has problems with everyone. and it's best for people not to put me on too high a pedestal. you're puttin the pussy on a pedestal is what i'm trying to say. jk. i haven't been talking about a bunch of things, things about me that are much darker than i'd care to admit, basically there's an alcoholic suicidal chronic depressive side that only the most hardcore of fans have pegged. and i plan to deal with this head on through the music and therapy and exercise. (i sound like tom cruise's advice for postpartum psychosis.) actually if you can believe it, gerard way is one of my big inspirations to do this mc thing right. he hasn't had a drink in a year and does fifty jumpingjacks before every show. looks like i best go shopping for a bullet proof vest.
so, to say farewell with this journal, let's hope there's more like it, like users/chrishouse, users/corpsegroom or users/mrmom. i've always loved my time here. i know i always wished that the journals i kept before i got on a computer could talk back to me, like kitt or something. and you guys did, not always nice stuff, but mainly more than any human could ask for.
tour starts this friday, the book starts tomorrow. if your coming to tour lemme know below, if not, please change your mind and come, and bring five friends. if you've ever been an mcchris fan or you're thinking about becoming one, i just gotta say thanks. thank you from the bottom of my heart. i hope you realize that i've been telling half truths my entire career and it's about time i come clean. don't worry i won't lose my sense of humor, even though this journal is about as funny as charlie sheen. the new album will be everything i need to get off my chest. but it will be done to a beat with skits and milonakis and wk might be on it.
just thanks for putting up with my bullshit, my moodiness. i'm answering 100 fanmails a day, so hopefully everyone will receive a personal invitation to tour in the next few days. holler at yer boi. mc, the one and only, can't clone me y'all.
Sat, Sep. 17th, 2005, 04:19 pm
die tour die
i have never felt as good this year as i do right now, maybe it's because i'm lying on some white sheets right out of the bag, maybe it's because i'm on a bed, maybe it's because it's my bed, maybe because it's in my apartment. i have my own place and right now it's just feels huge and empty, but i get a real thrill just thinking about what it's gonna become. the first night i was here i didn't think i'd stay over night because it was too hot and floor looked cruel, but i was so psyched to have a place i rolled out nitro's sleeping bag and fell fast asleep underneath my very own rented roof. i saw some blinking lights from my window so i went down and followed them and amidst a sea of junkyards and empty factories i found this hidden garden where they served spaghetti. it was chillest place i think i've ever experienced. i couldn't wait to take people there. i had to go get cash so they directed me to an atm and i saw more of my new neighborhood. it was one big piece of art. an army of competing grafitti artist were taking the artform to new heights, every style so seperate and distinct. it felt like a surreal maze of paintings on brick. wonderful. and there are like one million hidden little bars all over the place that look so cool. guess i picked the wrong week to stop sniffin glue. i'm jazzed beyond belief to just go to my video store. i hung out at my new pharmacy today and checked out the toys because i'm never getting married ever, and i was like, "this pharmacy has a kick ass toy section, they really care." the thai i had wasn't so hot, but i can go to one by john's. i went to my new magazine counter to pick up a copy of xxl. and yes i'm in it. "i'm having a good day," i said to guy behind the counter. he just looked at me like i was an asshole. awesome. i bought a shit load of mops and buckets, and some crackers and headed back. i see the water at the end of my street, the sun hits it and fills it with purples and pink. i'm home. xomc
i didn't realize till just a second that i shook george clinton's hand yesterday. this has definitely been a big hand shake year for me. stretch armstrong and thursday both asked me to tour for them. it was a long sober night. and the place was hot as fuck, body to body it was like libertyville highschool in the dark in august. there was no place to hide, and the outside was covered in gestapo security guys. i didn't say any of the pre-planned jokes, people just wanted to get to the bands. as they got drunker the more they liked me, but there was no time for hamming, everybody went on late. i got to make some jokes before nightmare of you, but no one was drunk yet, and i just seemed nervous. but then i started talking about emotions, and how we've been real emotional as of late, and what we need is to do emo out, for charity. i was immediately told no more emo jokes. the singer introduced every song as "another emo song." i got psyched out by friends and the guy who said no more emo. i talked to the lead singer and he was just like no, i was just having fun! so we we're both in the pursuit of a laugh which was good. it's tough when the only thing they laugh at is the line you're told to drop.
seriously though don't get me started on emo gundams.
i just had fun every other time on the mic. got to do a little charity help for habitat humanity, picking a guitar winner from a raffle, not quite. by the time i finally got to go on, my room had scattered and it was just syndicate people and mcchris fans who figured out how to be there. and a bunch of A&R's i guess. ooo maybe i'll get signed! heh. john was so bored he started to barback. we got our cable and idlewild left the stage so we just blazed through our set, pickin faster songs, stringin'm together without much dialogue. the syndicate people really liked it and they all started dancing, they were done with their job and they could chill. yeah everyone was wasted, but it was a good vibe, except for the two huge black security guards to the left of the stage that just stared at me, waiting to wrap it up and go home. i tried my damnedest to make them laugh. i got a smile out of'm, but that was about it. i had a good time, and it was great to see nitro and mikey erg smiling from the front row. i danced while i rapped in the audience with the syndicate people. they were beyond cool although i never quite figured out what they did. my friend matt just told me they were his friends, so i trusted it. the master of ceremonies thing may not be for me. it's just that... most people just think i'm a stand up, where i'm really just a nonsense talker with a leaning towards the profane. not all that interesting if you don't know where i come from. maybe i either come into my own, or i'm just not into playing to a cold audience.
i did get a bunch of cool business cards from rockstar and shout factory. i may never get in any of these dvd's or vide games but it's cool to know that the people that work on them like what we do.
had a great talk with a friend last night about my future, and now all my stuff is packed and right next to the door like it can't wait to not be touched for two months. tomorrow, i get my own place. try to pay the governement so they can make their bombs and their "infrastructures." before i introduced stretch, all really cool guys, i said their state was the first to secede from the union, given the state of the union, doesn't that make sense?
i've pissing off a lot of fans and people that need stuff from me, i've been very unavailable or not quite what they expected. i'm usually a real prince, i'm usually everything everyone needs me to be cuz that'smy job. but i have boundaries. i'm looking out for myself and always will, because unlike back in the day, my entire life's more important than a couple years of quick fix fame. i want to help everyone but there has to be a limit, if i feel my sanity is at stake. then i have every right to draw a line in the sand as they say. if i offend, it wouldn't be the first time, and i'm not gonna stress out over it, because i don't have time or again... sanity to spare. i don't know if people just don't know or don't care about what my life is actually like or if they think their holiday is my holiday. my life is a long list of everyone else's night off. and sometimes it honestly feels unfair that no one really gives a shit. they just want their demands met. if i let them down they can't wait to write a letter or write a post. i'm sorry if i'm a let down, but not really cuz i know how hard i work and what i experience everyday. depending on how things go this tour i dunno about being so accessible. i was thinking about this today, professionals don't really have blogs or hang out with fans because it just goes more and more downhill the more it grows. people feel close to you when they really can't be. i dunno. i've had so many good experiences, too many to count and i'd hate to not have new ones, but if i keep on feeling lousy because my fans want me to feel lousy it's best that i just back off a bit.
god that was a sad post.
bring on the new tour!
i was gonna dismiss the black eyed peas, because i guess they always kinda annoyed me, but they're sampling all this tribe called quest, and that's the stuff taught me how. so i'm just kinda in a good mood, chillin listening to jams, i did a little work, bought a bed, it gets delivered on saturday so i dunno what i'll do for the two other days. i've slept on floors before. just me and all the stuff i've been given on tour, all the paintings, clothes, cd's. and a bed. it'll need a lot of work but i have a few days to have fun. thanks to government my money gets a big bite right around this time, so i can't go hog wild. the good news i have a crazy long tour. and at the end i'll have a bunch of dough, so i can buy furniture all christmas. not much, cuz i may not stay, but enough so that i don't hang my head when i walk through the door. i'm psyched.
tonight is the big cmj thing, i'm supposed to make jokes in front of all these industry people for free. so i just had fun writing last night and wrote a little bit on each band. i just let my mind go like it does on stage and just kinda wander. then i realized that the bands go on in the opposite order, so all the call back humor wouldn't work. i'll just post it here, because there were lots of parts of it that i like. i've decided to start writing out the jokes more often, just like a blue print for the stage. you may not find this is funny at all because it's more like notes for improv with a few fuckins thrown in. and no i was not stoned. this is how i think. my monologues tonight will be nothing like this. maybe.
i'll be happy to do my show after all this mc stuff. they make me used to do this kinda stuff when i was seven years old in church.
idlewild: from anne of green gables, from edinburgh, long ass bio, romans couldn't conquer scotlland, you know why? because they have so much tape. and glue. scotch glue isn't very big. unless you make scotch glue meth, then it's huge, but only in tennessee. and the shipping and handling on that is a bitch. so they just get like pills and shit and melt that into, more pills? what the hell is meth. they've had their own parliament for only eight years. before that england was running the show. and that's always good. trust the british. a british smile looks like a bunch of tombstones after an earthquake, like window shutters on the poltergeist house. like my groupies in lancaster. i still made out with them. sucked the yellow right off their teeth. uk teeth humor that's new. i'm a total pioneer yeah baby. this is where they deep fry mars bars in egg batter. that sounds so fuckin american. except we'd call it a sinner, crank call it in the middle of the night and be like, you're going to hell hell spawn mars bar in fuckin egg batter motherfucker. it was spawned in hell and therefore it must return to which it came from, on. whatever. and they're fryin that shit right next to the haggis. that's extreme. they really clone shit over there too. wonder if dolly's just gonna end up gettin the shit fried out of her right next to a mars bar. i wonder if all the haggis comes from fucked sheep so you've got your fried mars bar with some scottish farmer spooge haggis bit sneakin in there like it knows what's up.
0 Flower of Scotland,
When will we see
your like again,
That fought and died for,
Your wee bit Hill and Glen,
And stood against him,
Proud Edward's Army,
And sent him homeward,
Tae think again.
stretch armstrong. stretch is down with the kids. but it's kinda unfair that they are because they named themselves after a toy, that kenner put out. i'm gonna put out a band called G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier and see where that takes me. they're from south carolina, first state to secede from the union, they look out for kids, give them all ages shows, stretch arm strong can stretch four times the size of his body, that's fucked up. anybody see fantastic four. isn't jessica alba amazing? i didn't see the movie i heard it was crap so i went to go see the lindsay lohan movie with the ipod car and that guy from outsiders. do you think that jessica alba and lindsay lohan might like say... get kinda mad at eachtoher say during some pillow play, and like one would slap the other they'd totally get hard nipples simultaneously and then they'd just start like makin out right there. on top of all those different colored pillows. and the room would just get filled with butterflies and unicorns and sparkles and shit. and what if this just happened like on the showroom at bed bath and beyond and everybody just kinda started watching it and recording it on all their different devices. and then some really awesome nerd went and got every version off the internet and made this great dvd with multiple angles that you could control with your remote, so you wouldn't have to get up and go to your dvd player. you could sit there and take in a variety of vantage points. it would be like in the matrix. bullet time porn. god. that'd be awesome.
Nightmare of You... there gonna be on fuse this friday. Long Island. Queens where i've been crashing all year is on the western part of long island. i love queens. you see these dudes walkin around, you see this dude in this scary ass black cloak and you think he's like the emperor and he's gonna lightning bolt you but it turns out be a greek orthodox priest. and that's just kinda creepy. and they don't have lightning powers. i don't think. I've never made one really upset, there's the language barrier. speaking of maintaining barriers how about that homeland security? no i don't do political humor, but if i did, i would talk a lot about the homeland security office. like they only got like a couple staplers, and no good snacks. and that one chick that makes everyone cookies is fat, so i'm gonna fuckin take two cookies. fuck her man. yeah homeland security can't stop a fuckin hurricane what's gonna happen when all the fuckin gundams land and turn our country into a fuckin rugby field... for robots. we are not ready! you think gundams can't just shoot wizard of oz tornados out of their fuckin hands. people. we've got to get ready. i nominate me to be stealth bomber gundam pilot. i've been make some doodles in geography because i hate that fuckin class, so i've already done some virtual leg work on the robot designs. yes it can transform into a sub. what do you think i am, retarded? like this battle can't be waged in the depths of the sea. tom ridge can't dive to save his life. is he even the head of homeland security anymore or did they give that to hal and the whopper already. when's the fuckin future gonna happen so i can get me a kickass gundam suit? i am so angry about this.
say anything. did you know ione skye, the daughter of donovan, married a beastie boy, adam horowitz and that author author was based on a play by his dad. donovan, got busted for weed which must've been a bum out trip. he also had sex with over one million women. sounds like a lot but in the sixties people would sometimes have sex over one million times in a day. he's from scotland too. you get all hopped up on one of those deep fried sheep jizz bars and then you just go nuts like it's the mango in that one seinfeld episode. start fuckin everybody. did you know that jerry seinfeld and dustin hoffman are the same guy. and that guy is a vampire? donovan is also immortal. cuz he survived eatin one of them jizz bars. before he fucked all those gundams. on those pillows. bullet time!
thank you and good night.
there's a post on message boards about my crazy late show on thursday/friday morning. peace. brooklyn here i come. xomc
Sun, Sep. 11th, 2005, 03:45 pm
i love atlanta and it put on an amazing show for me, the weather, the love, it was great to be through the old neighborhood. i came home and collapsed on the floor. jonnie threw a magazine next to my head, i was page ten in TimeOut NY. the picture was huge and happily features the starwars bathroom, although you don't really get a sense of its grandeur. all timothy zahn adaptations on top of the toilet. i think we may be in the voice as well, although i haven't looked yet. i will when i go into the city tomorrow. monday i meet up with john and get all organimized. the poster is getten straightened out and now i'm askin nate to help me flesh out the mc chris bent cap cartoon head. i feel a little stupid not doing the work myself, but there's one million other things to do and i'm totally into helping out new artists. besides he's better than me. tuesday is cmj and then thursday i have my own place. i've decided that a bed is the main priority, then some sort of fan or ac. i think i will put stuff up on the walls, cuz it's always made me feel good, and this place is all about being a relief and not an eyesore. i'm considering subletting it while i'm on tour but i dunno. buying a bed just someone can sleep in it. kinda nasty. i've begun to fantasize about getting a nice tv, which i will totally be able to do when i get back from tour, maybe my chistmas present will be getting my entertainment system in order. we're talking plasma. it'll be fun to play all the holiday games when i get home. we may have a console in the van, which may be awesome, i dunno yet. i've never gamed in motion. it would really help kill time.
john and i were discussing being depressed and sleeping in the van just to get past the idea that we're stuck in a van. i've been feeling like i need an attitude adjustment, like no more sleeping in the van, maybe i need to get back into dvd's cuz that worked, my head feels a little flaked for literature and there's that album to write. john and i were driving back from connecticut where we had done a very sparse show with MC Lars. Lars was a cool kid and it was good to talk to someone who understood me when i said things like, "i don't trust anyone," and "i don't know why anyone really likes me." i had to keep john up on the way home, cuz i wanted to flirt with girls and hang with Lars, and i made him go to a quick party. i basically told him how i was feeling about everything and he felt many of the same things or at least understood, like making good versus bad choices with what we eat, because we're depressed because touring sucks. i talked about getting angry and how everyone could tell i didn't want to be mc chris in august. we didn't like the cons, although we might've if he hadn't had to work. we should've been working on the tour, but we needed to rest after july. i talked to Lars a little bit about being an asshole, too. i told him that i didn't want anyone to get the wrong impression, that i wasn't grateful, that i didn't appreciate my fans, just because i was tired from touring, not having a home and having like four dismal attempts at romance.
i don't quite know why i'm angry or depressed, because this is somewhat like a dream i'm living, at least to others. and sometimes i have to see it through their eyes in order to appreciate. i also try to remember what my childhood dream's were. i woulda thought what i was doing now was the ultimate. but that's a kid. they wanna be firemen magicians too. basically i'm going to try to put on the game face on again and not grog myself without food, pills and hops. i say this now. sometimes i look at my life and i think bacchus, and i like it a little, the troublemaker, the partier. maybe my problem is not really taking advantage of my days, just my nights. living the night to its fullest but never really getting anything done. i was so creative before i transferred to nyu, pencils and pens always moving, now you can't get me to draw, now i hire nate. so maybe this fall i'll find more on the roadside than roadkill. i hope i can be honest and fun with this new album, i feel like i haven't said word one yet.
there are still no details on the spin after party but stay tuned. the website with a remix contest and a new look and new merch items will go up next week too. oh and pictures. we haven't forgotten about the pictures. make sure you're on the mailing list as we'll be writing everyone this week as well.
i guess that's it. the entry sounds a little conflicted but i swear, i feel good and ready to not fall deeper into the abyss. xomc
my last night in atlanta. i slept all day, knowing it would be the last time in a bed until i sleep in my apartment. that's next week. the cmj show is the night before, that's off limits to the public. but we've been asked to play a spin after party and that's fan friendly. we'll give details on the message boards. i went to williams street yesterday then bbq'd that night. we played time splitters against each other while the mrs. locked herself in a room with, so you think you can dance? it was great to see the office and visit with my old boss, meet my replacement. willis gave me a master shake toy. i watched a show you won't get to see for a long time, as it's concerning a very unfriendly topic for america, religion. got to see my part in the athf movie, the open, a 12 oz mouse. everything was fucked up really weird. i'm a david lynch fan so i'm into it. the sound in mouse was so good, i called up the sound guy and asked him if he help me sweeten my album and master it. put on a shilack of really good animation sound effects. we used to make commercials so he was totally down and sounded psyched to help. keith and i had shitty sandwhiches in the dark at the tap, it felt like a meeting of mafia bosses. it's weird seeing the new lay out, the office construction, see everyone hanging out. dennis putting together bionicles for a shoot. i miss it all, we made jokes about me coming back. i wonder if i ever will. it will be such a different place, just like everything else. maybe i'm supposed to feel out of place so i can talk about it and put other people feeling the same way at ease. i dunno. i'm feeling good though. it's been so chill. i've asked myself a lot of big questions while i've been here, what am all about, what do i have to say, is this worth doing? after hearing late registration i'm set to make my own album, and now this tour is just one of those paper banners that football players rip through before the big game. this is gonna be the thank you tour where i really let everyone know how much everything everyone has done has meant to me. i can't wait to show you the picture, the one i look at at the end of the night before i go to bed, nate if you're reading this, holler back, we need to show the world how awesome this fall's gonna be!!! fuck i'm just gonna show it. http://www.fetorpse.com/images/mcchris/mcgray.jpg
this is without text. see, see, with snmnmnm and the ergs... a fall of good music, it won't be so hot this time, i can't wait. now i just have to remember to rest up. WoW here i come. xomc
ps. sorry i'm not always on a good mood in this thing, but i made a promise to myself to let people see both sides of my life, so if you don't like it or it's not what you expect, i'm not gonna apologize for being who i am or not always being happy, not living an amazing life. i'm boring and i work hard and i'm in my head a lot, and this is my journal. if everything in my life burns down or is lost, i'll have this. so that's why it's there. peace.
Tue, Sep. 6th, 2005, 12:43 pm
i'm so done with cons it's ridiculous. i don't like hot air or cramped rooms, how i got through my summer tour i dunno. these places make me suffocate, and i've got george in one ear and clay in the other. and porn stars to my right and b movie hearthrobs to the left, talking to sad old women that ignore the fact he's gayer than cotton candy. i don't want to become one of these people. peter mayhew looked so sad and bored. they roll in with their bags on wheels and they pull out their glossies, and if you're erin grey, you knit until someone asks you what the code was to the cell 14 in episode 68b. i got a smattering of attention. again nothing record breaking, but everyone that likes me and finds me are really happy that they did. and it makes me feel like the one thing at the con that's new and not old. daniel logan came up to me and asked me if i was mcchris, steve sansweet wanted to get the album that had fett's vett, but everybody asks that. john just looked at me and said, let's put it on hassle. it's a thought as we're repressing it. logan is now on my voice mail. we're on a bounty hunt together. his idea.
my birthday. it was crazy lowkey. bucky gave me every hawkeye comic book ever made. skittle gave me a card. that was about it. i went out to azul after hanging out at push push for a second. it was great to see my old friends, but i felt so out of it, like i wasn't part of anything, no place, no connections. maybe that will all change this winter. luckily i had a friend there that i see movies with, and she felt exactly the same. i left after one round, not really feeling like dancing. the best part of this weekend was driving around in my jet grey malibu rental and blasting songs like shake it off, caught up, bad bitch. blasting hip hop in the atl with the windows down on a pefect night is heaven. i had expected some people to come in for my show on saturday, but they went back and forth on it and then didn't show up. i got informed via myspace. that is not good customer relations.
ladies i'm back on the market. except now i'm old. and lecherous. quite possibly sex starved.
i was bummed out withthe kids from florida not coming up and i felt kinda cursed again, lovewise, so i decided to really kick back at the drunken unicorn and hang out with fans and have a beer during the show. just take requests. i made a bunch of hulk jokes, but i basically have felt like nothing i've said makes any sense, or it's only heard as mumbles. i'm not clicking with anything right now so i'm just gonna chill, maybe keep my motor mouth shut.
john got to spin before the show and i danced to his set in the green room right behind the stage. i should've called my movie buddy who is also my dancing partner. she was at home organizing her desk top and scolded me out the next night for not making the emergency come dance with me in my green room call.
the next day we had a little red haired groupie that followed me and my crew around all day to the chagrin of her friends. she kept on telling me when she was gonna turn eighteen. she hung out at our booth for three hours before i showed up. i let her hang out with us, and then she became the team mascot, so we let her come out with us that night. we just went up to some kids' hotel room and danked out for a long time, drinkin beers out of a cooler. she kept on making calls to her friends, while john showed the room the kanye clip or aria giovani fisting herself on his computer. (aria's tits made me forget about new orleans. it's like if mother earth had tits, they'd look like that. i'm not a big tit guy either, prolly cuz i wasn't breast fed. but her boobs kinda put the world at ease, and i needed something in that sweat box mariott marquis. thanks again aria.) i almost slept with the groupie, but nothing happened. it would've been my first attempt at the infamous statutory title. was i so angry at florida that i would take such a huge risk? i guess so. her friends found her and scolded her immediately, "where do you think you're going?" i should prolly thank her friends, fuckin little girls to spite someone is hardly impressive. she was a cutie though. fuckin red heads are the death of me.
last night the con ended and i got a little super 8 hotel of my very own and am now chillin hardcore. i thought about staying in bed for an entire day, and i still might, but i may go out. i had a great night last night. we went to the brew house and then saw 40 year old again (i cried again) and then we had the atl usual (pbr and jd) at the earl for a while. when i walked out i saw a poster that said reggie was touring with chemical romance. that's what i want for christmas. i stole the poster just in case i never get to go. this week i'll be bbq'ing with friends and heading into williams street to visit and see the new shows. they've got like nothing but new content for the fall. i talked with some 70-30 folks over the weekend, they were happy to hear how much america loves sealab. they have new offices and a new show, maybe i'll get to see that.
the point is i don't really care much what i do this week. i could just sleep in a bed and that'd be a vacation for me. i come home to a new apartment three blocks for john. i won't see it all fall, but i'll spend my winter there, writing the album. can you imagine the wintry gloom? i can. too well. thanks to everyone who came to my show, everyone who said happy birthday, and most importantly aria's tits, they would've stopped that levee leak like what. xomc